A dissapointment

Okay, so maybe today I was told indirectly that I wasn't good enough to be part of a research project. Who cares right? I know I'm competent, and intelligent, and strong, and motivated, and all the good stuff. I can take care of myself. I don't need to beg to be involved in the research project. If you don't want me, it's okay, I can fend for myself. Only thing is...

It DOES matter. It's a blow to my self-esteem. It's making me start to doubt my competence. Am I not smart enough? Why? How? What did I do to make you think so? Why am I not good enough for you? Is it because my GRE scores are not above average? Or because I don't speak over others in class? Or because I'm shy or timid when compared to others? Is that why you're judging me as not good enough?

In my whole 22 years, I've never been told, directly or indirectly that I'm not smart enough. I've been told some horrendous stuff, believe me, but never I'm not smart enough. Someone even old me once that I'm wasting my talent on psychology. I could do better in the science and technology field. Never not smart enough. Sighhh....it hurts.

I'm definitely drinking on Friday. Anna and MG....wait for meeeeeeee