Scientific Jargons

This was compiled by a researcher after years and years of working in academia. It's funny!

"After several years of studying and hard work, I have finally learnt scientific jargon. The following list of phrases and definitions will help you understand that mysterious language of science and medicine." - Dyrk Schingman-

"It has long been known..."
Actual: I didn't look up the original reference

"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions..."
Actual: An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..."
Actual: The other results didn't make any sense

"The most reliable results are obtained by Jones..."
Actual: He was my graduate student, his grade depended on this

"In my experience..."
Actual: Once

"In case after case..."
Actual: Twice

"In a series of cases..."
Actual: Thrice

"It is believed that..."
Actual: I think

"Correct within an order of magnitude..."
Actual: Wrong

"According to statistical analysis..."
Actual: Rumor has it...

"A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings..."
Actual: A wild guess

"A careful analysis of obtainable data..."
Actual: Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomena occurs..."
Actual: I don't understand it...

"After additional study by my colleagues"
Actual: They don't understand it either

"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and Andrea Schaeffer for valuable discussions"
Actual: Mr. Boltz did the work and Ms. Schaeffer explained to me what it meant

Hilarious! Dr. Mohammed distributed it in class to us. She warned us that if we used any of these phrases in our papers, she would know what it meant. Sigh....gone are the easy days :P

Today in class, we were talking about the injustice of punishments handed out to workers with lower status as compared to workers in higher level positions, and Dr. Murphy said that it is one of the motivations for lower-status workers to work harder in order to move up the career ladder. That is also why WE actually go through the arduous process of attending graduate school just in order to improve our status once we enter the workforce, e.g. to get an increase in pay levels as opposed to what someone would get if they went straight into the workforce after a bachelors. THEN, we realized that we were the MONKEYS because we actually are the ones that are getting lower pay once we get into grad school....UNDER the poverty level....SIGHHHHH