A dissapointment

Okay, so maybe today I was told indirectly that I wasn't good enough to be part of a research project. Who cares right? I know I'm competent, and intelligent, and strong, and motivated, and all the good stuff. I can take care of myself. I don't need to beg to be involved in the research project. If you don't want me, it's okay, I can fend for myself. Only thing is...

It DOES matter. It's a blow to my self-esteem. It's making me start to doubt my competence. Am I not smart enough? Why? How? What did I do to make you think so? Why am I not good enough for you? Is it because my GRE scores are not above average? Or because I don't speak over others in class? Or because I'm shy or timid when compared to others? Is that why you're judging me as not good enough?

In my whole 22 years, I've never been told, directly or indirectly that I'm not smart enough. I've been told some horrendous stuff, believe me, but never I'm not smart enough. Someone even old me once that I'm wasting my talent on psychology. I could do better in the science and technology field. Never not smart enough. Sighhh....it hurts.

I'm definitely drinking on Friday. Anna and MG....wait for meeeeeeee

Preposterous

Things that never fail to amaze me:
1) how certain people can consistently talk only about how other people have mistreated them, how they're immature, childish, mean, evil-hearted, below you and not realize that maybe it is something about themselves that led them to ALWAYS see things this way
2) how some can proudly declare how mean they were in their high school
3) how some can proudly declare that they used to be so arrogant last time and that they've toned it down, and think that that's not really a problem with their attitude
4) how some can be so certain and sure about things that they believe or heard of, and never ever question themselves if there might be different ways of viewing or doings things out there that might be just as effective and right and will not accept others' opinions
5) how some always think they're right, that everything they own is of top quality, the way they do things is the best way, and always always try to teach others to do it like them, but when questioned, deny and say i'm just telling you my opinion

*rolling my eyes*

:))) Okay, been frustrating past 2 days. Picture time though....hehehehe



The idiot that is smiling like a donkey=me :) Seng lee smelled something funny! hahaha

Scientific Jargons

This was compiled by a researcher after years and years of working in academia. It's funny!

"After several years of studying and hard work, I have finally learnt scientific jargon. The following list of phrases and definitions will help you understand that mysterious language of science and medicine." - Dyrk Schingman-

"It has long been known..."
Actual: I didn't look up the original reference

"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions..."
Actual: An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..."
Actual: The other results didn't make any sense

"The most reliable results are obtained by Jones..."
Actual: He was my graduate student, his grade depended on this

"In my experience..."
Actual: Once

"In case after case..."
Actual: Twice

"In a series of cases..."
Actual: Thrice

"It is believed that..."
Actual: I think

"Correct within an order of magnitude..."
Actual: Wrong

"According to statistical analysis..."
Actual: Rumor has it...

"A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings..."
Actual: A wild guess

"A careful analysis of obtainable data..."
Actual: Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomena occurs..."
Actual: I don't understand it...

"After additional study by my colleagues"
Actual: They don't understand it either

"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and Andrea Schaeffer for valuable discussions"
Actual: Mr. Boltz did the work and Ms. Schaeffer explained to me what it meant

Hilarious! Dr. Mohammed distributed it in class to us. She warned us that if we used any of these phrases in our papers, she would know what it meant. Sigh....gone are the easy days :P

Today in class, we were talking about the injustice of punishments handed out to workers with lower status as compared to workers in higher level positions, and Dr. Murphy said that it is one of the motivations for lower-status workers to work harder in order to move up the career ladder. That is also why WE actually go through the arduous process of attending graduate school just in order to improve our status once we enter the workforce, e.g. to get an increase in pay levels as opposed to what someone would get if they went straight into the workforce after a bachelors. THEN, we realized that we were the MONKEYS because we actually are the ones that are getting lower pay once we get into grad school....UNDER the poverty level....SIGHHHHH

The tale of 2 chimpanzees Part I

Okay, I know many of you all have demanded for an update, so here it is. Sorry for the LONGGG delay. The past few weeks have been c-r-a-z-e-e for me. The workload is piling up and it hasn't been the smoothest weeks so far, but I survived and am surviving with the impending increasing height of my workload :P Although I have to say I am touched that some people still follow my blog regardless of the intermittent entries :)

I know many people out there think that once you get to college, you should be matured enough to tolerate people of all kinds, races, nationalities, etc. And I believe that to my very soul. I like to learn about other cultures. BUT when it comes to diversity in terms of personalities with housemates, that's a whole other issue. I have to say (actually prefer to shout out loud to vent my frustration):

I AM SUPER ANNOYED BY MY HOUSEMATES!

I have tried to tolerate them, really really tried. After all, I took it for a few months without saying anything. Sorry for those of you out there who believe that it's rude and insensitive to complain about another living person *rolling my eyes* but I don't care, because I am ultra annoyed.

When I first moved in, I thought these people were decent. I should really clarify that these housemates that I am annoyed at are actually 2 of them, one I will name Opera and the other Oprah. Not a misspelling. Don't worry. Okay, since I thought they were decent, I tried hanging out with them, going out for dinners, etc. But then, it got to a point where I realized our personalities clash. I don't agree with most of the things these 2 people say, they think they know it all. Evidenced by the fact that their favorite phrase is "I know...". Everything you say to them, their response is "I know...". ARGH

Opera
She's the artistic and musical one apparently. Her major is MUSIC HISTORY. I think she has no communicative skill whatsoever because when you talk to her, on top of saying "I know" all the time, she often adds bits and schmitses of music facts of the day which leaves me confused, because god knows I'm dumb to not know what "bla bla C minor piece in bla bla was so bla bla". Annoying! At first, it's not so bad, but after interacting with her everyday it got too much to handle. So i decided to cut my interaction with her to a minimum. I am still civil to her, smiling and saying hie to her when I meet her, but will avoid anything more than that. However, one thing she loves to do in addition to brag is TALK TALK TALK TALK on the phone. Our walls are so THIN!!! PLEASEEEEE.....do you not realize that???????? She talks on the phone at night, in the morning, in the afternoon. AND she complains to me about not having enough time to do anything, that she used to sleep only 2 hours a day, that music is so hard. Now I wonder why you only had 2 hours sleep daily???? Don't need rocket science to answer that question.

So she talks till 2 or 3 something AM with her high-pitched voice, giggling and speaking with her "I'm so important and classy" accent. I get headaches almost daily....trying to tune out her voice and sleep. MIss....please....I know you have to talk but I have to sleep! I sleep at 2 something every night, wake up at 7 or 8 every morning, am out the whole day....please spare me! It's not different during the weekends too....she talks non stop or brings people back to the apartment without considering if her apartment mates are okay with that, and they talk till like wee hours. ARGH.

Once, she even did her laundry at 4 something am in the morning. And the laundry machines are right in front of my door! And she was talking on the phone again....walking up and down my door. What happened to common sense? I mean if she was nice, it wouldn't be that bad, but she's not.

I just can't stop but give a list of reasons why I think she's quite snobby:

1) she shops only at wegman's because they have been voted best place to work for for a couple of times...never at walmart because they're the beast in the industry. okay, i know they're a beast, but when it comes to desperate times, especially when you're a poor graduate student, what can you do?
2) she told me that she used to live in Rome with her grandparents for a year, going on and on about the food, etc. And she likes to cook only Italian food, using high-class ingredients and following cookbooks. However, I recently found out because she finally explained that "oh...did I forget to mention to you? I meant Rome as in Rome, upstate New York". I am like....whattttt!~!~ You went on and on for a few months, obviously realizing that people would think Rome, Italy but you've actually never spent time there?? What a pretender. And, when she cooks, bringing her branded pots and pans out from her room e.g. Cuisinart, Kitchen Aid, Le Creuset etc. She places them all around the kitchen and living room, occupying so much space that no one will be able to use the kitchen when she does, and takes the entire night cooking. Trust me, CHIA was there and witnessed it. And she cuts one lettuce leaf at a time. ONE AT A TIME. ARGHHH
3) she only listens to opera and classical music. she thinks the latest music trends are disgusting.
4) she doesn't believe in sweat shops. honestly, i don't know where I stand in the whole sweatshop issue but i am realistic in that no one can avoid purchasing an item that was made in a sweatshop. however, Opera apparently lives in fantasyland. she once tried to discourage my other housemate to buy a sweater that had a label stating "made in vietnam" from Macy's. so, its either she's a hypocrite and have clothes that were made in sweatshops like everyone else OR is very very rich and buys tailormade clothes or haute couture. yeah right.

finally, i've done many things for the apartment. i bought a lot of stuff when we first moved in. And i am the only one keeping up with the cleaning schedule. no one tries to clean the floors, vacuum or anything! dishes are left in the sink piled up high and you can literally see hairballs on the floor. so today, i thought that was enough waiting around for them to help out. i went to get the vacuum to clean this evening. BUt, one housemate was eating in the kitchen when I got back. So out of respect, i decided not to vacuum yet. then, when i wanted to vacuum later on, another housemate came back and started eating (and it's like at 5 in the evening). Then Opera came back with a friend to have pie and tea *rolling eyes*...seriously... So, i decided, I'm not gonna sit around waiting for them to clear away to start vacuuming. so i vacuumed the bathroom and the laundry area, my bedroom and the living room. throughout the time i was vacuuming, the three of them were chit-chatting completely ignoring the fact that I was cleaning, didn't even offer to help or feel guilty. so i asked them if they were going to be around for long, and they were like...urm we're just going to eat something now. so i was like...fine i'll come back later to vacuum. and they were not even apologetic, they were like oh i thought you're usually not around this time of the day. YEA YOU"RE RIGHT! because I'm usually in my office working but because I know how dirty the place is i came back just to clean but you guys are getting in the way of it!!!

aaah.....annoying!!! okay...i know this has been a really long post whiny and all....but i just had to let it out. i know i haven't touched on Oprah yet....but there'll be a Part II. :) they're out there right now having dainty tea and intellectual talks. :PPPPPPP

Life is Tough

After almost 2 months in Happy Valley (I've learnt that the name only applies to certain groups of people), I'm starting to stress out BIG time about my ability to continue in grad school for 5 years. Things are ambiguous, and I have so many things to concentrate on at one time. But, I've also learnt the importance of giving and receiving support from your peers, how it warms you up inside when someone else notices your opinions and comments and gives you good feedback on it.

Every Monday 8.45 to 11.45am, I have Personnel Selection and Appraisals Seminar. What we do is read in advance and come to class prepared to discuss the material and related topics for 3 hours. This I feel is the hardest class I've ever taken in my education career. I struggle every week to force myself to speak in class, to talk about validity tests, about measurement issues, error in sampling etc (basically things i know very little about). Participation in class is a freaking 40% of my grade. WTF. So I HAVE TO HAVE TO speak up.

Anyone who knows me knows I have difficulty voicing my thoughts in public. Even though most of the time what I have to say is relevant and correct. But I'm usually too intimidated to say it. So you can imagine how hard it is for me in this class in front of a professor who is FAMOUS in the field and 11 other intelligent students.

But I'm getting better at it though, partly because I'm getting used to speaking and partly because everytime we first years speak up, we first years will support each other. We know we're the under-ducklings. It feels so good, to see heads nodding when you're giving an opinion (trying to be coherent and intelligent-sounding at the same time). SO GOOD! You feel for few seconds that HEY i'm not that stupid...maybe someone thinks its a good idea. And most of the time, Anne will be the one nodding. THANK you!! And she tries to help me explain my thoughts too at times when my professor doesn't get it. *rolls my eyes*

So...because I know how important it is to hear encouraging words sometimes, I would like to give some words of encouragement to my friends and those who read my blog:

Chia: Just 2 more years and you can get the hell out of that company to somewhere you'll be more interested in!

AnnA: Good luck in your job search! I know you can do it.

SEAN: you are one of the most optimistic person I've met. your optimism will take you places :)

MG: Just finish your PHD!!!!

Irene: You will score so high in your GREs you'll be surprised at the rate you're studying

CK: appreciate what you have now *wink*

:)

Damn "Bandar"

Richards, J. C., & Tay, M. J. (1977). The la particle in Singapore English. In W. Crewe (Ed.), The English language in Singapore (pp. 14 1-156). Singapore: Eastern Universities Press.

The above reference was taken from an article about sexual harassment perception among different ethnic groups in Singapore. LOL. Someone actually studied the la particle in Singlish???? How funny is that??? HahAHAHhahahHHAHah

okay, maybe i'm a nerd after all. :p

Ooohhh and on a side note, I went apple-picking last Sunday with Chia. Fun FUn! We went to Stribling Orchard, just a 40 min drive out of Manassas. We were like super city-sleekers man when we arrived. We didn't know what to do! Were we supposed to bring baskets? How do we pick the apples? With our hands? Must we climb the trees? Where to go??? Aarghhh....the trees look scaryyyyyyyyy!!!! Hahaha. INSECTSSSS get OFF me!!!

But after the initial awkwardness, it was actually fun. how i wished I had an apple orchard or for that matter, any orchard to run and play when i was younger. chia, hahahaha on the other hand never managed to get over his dislike for the trees and grassss and muddddd!

and i was like a little kid in a candy store at the orchard's shop. i bought apple cider, sparkling apple cider, pear jam. i would have bought more if it wasn't for chia standing around looking bored. hmmph. but the cider is yummyyyyy! and the pear jam too. :)))))

i showed this video clip to one of my friends and he said it sounds like a Malaysian Creed. Hmmph...i don't think so!


Disagree - Crumbs

Systolic: 100

Geramnyaaaa............

I'm destined to meet people that will test my patience. DESTINED. What with classes, Ta-ing, research meetings, grading, etc i really really cannot afford to deal with this right now :( You out there, stop ordering me around! I'm not your servant....phei yuan even said i looked so submissive around her....WHY OH WHY DO I LET HER DO THAT TO ME????

Sighhhhhh

I'm sufferring from imposter syndrome. They made a mistake with the application! I'm not supposed to be here, I don't belong here. I just sit in a corner pretending to understand the concepts that they articulate so well. ARGH. Stresssnyaaaa.....i dunno how to come up with a new way of validating a selection procedure? How am I supposed to know? If it's that easy, experienced researchers would have thought of it by now!!! and Gnuplot...DAMN YOU. I have to do coding for my stats class. C-O-D-I-N-G. Can you imagine me doing coding???? Suchuen doing coding? Unbelievable. Haha

Blood pressure naik :( hit a record high of 100. never ever in my life have i reached a 100. my seniors welcomed me to grad school after hearing about it. Sorry about the depressed entry....SUM Of my life after 4 weeks here. Gone are the initial highs and now the lows start creeping in like a lapping wave...